[REPRESENTING THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA’S JOURNALISM PROGRAM]
Dreaming of a simpler life and times
As a girl who watches Sex and the City – aka SATC – on a more regular basis than most, I can't help but compare life from the early episodes of that show to life today
Look. I’m well aware that it's a TV show.
And I fully appreciate that I was too young to actually experience the “IRL heyday” of the original program.
And let's be real… (and I’m not talking about the app, either). There is no way Carrie could've realistically afforded that somewhat large studio in the Upper East Side – let alone all of those Manolo Blahnik’s on a writer's salary.
Fictional or not, Carrie still pulled it off.
Anyways, so what’s my point you ask?
Essentially, I’m going to put it out there that many from my Gen Z generation need to keep dreaming.
Life today is complicated and expensive. But unless we keep the dreams going – how else are we going to “step it up” and make more excellent things happen for ourselves. Like OG Carrie shooting for the stars.
Just like the difference between SATC and AJLT, the difference between my own Gen Z and the previous generations that came before us can be straight up harrowing – so says me.
It’s like Paris Hilton of old – only not. Because it’s far more extreme.
The OG, Manolo Blahnik, getting his scarf and shine on for the people who need more pumped up kicks
So as Bradshaw herself said: “let's gossip to get our heart rates up.”
To an extent, everything is the same as it was – only it isn’t.
From back in the day to now, the relevance of dating, interesting ensembles and authentic best friends is somewhat similar.
More or less, maybe.
But people back then – and in SATC – seemed less concerned. This is because they were less affected (i.e., tormented) by the 24-hour news cycle.
Obviously, there were no phones – at least not like today. The bars back then looked fun and eclectic (and I hear that they really, in fact, were). Life just seemed a lot more spontaneous.
Could it be that now we’re all just perpetually scared or seduced with leaving a digital footprint?
Without the omni-presence of little glowing rectangles in their hands, people of yesteryear just seemed a lot more in the moment. Save for a regretful spring break vid, they also weren’t nearly as worried about being seen all over social media.
Are cell phones to blame for the declining state of Gen Z’s communication skills? Or can we just pin it on Mean Girls?
I can't help but wonder … What is Gen Z’s definition of a good time?
When I first got to college, the pandemic was in full swing. It was Fall of 2020 and everything was closed down. The bars “required” masks but nobody listened. It was more of a formality for when you were in line – because once you got inside nobody wore the masks.
But I digress.
College during the pandemic was interesting – granted I didn't have much to compare it to. It was really the first time that I realized how seriously people took the pandemic. At home in South Florida nobody cared all that much. But, then again when does Florida ever focus on the important things?
Anyway, college was fun, but not what I had expected. I rushed a sorority and did all the typical “southern” school things.
While I was growing up, my Mom had told me so many amazing things about college. She was in a sorority at Penn State. So hearing her stories inspired me to rush. I can't lie I was drastically disappointed in my sorority experience. It was so different from how my Mom described it.
My Mom was in the OG Pledge Class of Sigma Kappa. They didn't have a glorious house because of Pennsylvania’s laws – but it didn't matter. Nowadays, having a nice house is something sororities use to “flex” on others.
As to my sorority and college social life, I am lucky to have made a few great friends that I think will last forever. But that’s about it.
In comparison, my Mom will wax on and on about how fun, authentic and fair her sorority life was (which I frankly can’t relate to at all).
I remember going through photo albums of my Mom’s from her time in college. Numerous pictures of her doing a range of things made me always dream of my own collegiate era. The best four years of my life, and so on.
As you can tell, I can't say that I feel the same way about college as my Mom does.
I mean if these are the “best four years” of my life … We have a little issue.
Today if you walk into a bar, everyone is living through their cameras. Straight up. There are too many phones – especially if you walk into a college bar where everyone is mostly a member of my very own, Gen Z.
In turn, it makes the bar scene flat-out boring – and the energy just low in general. Prior to college I was expecting these sorts of things to be more upbeat, lively, fun and authentic.
Where has all the good conversation gone? It's all so superficial. Or so it seems.
I realize that there will always be rude or disinterested humans out there. But it just seems like people don't know how to start or carry-on with a conversation anymore. Between the pandemic and social media – people in general and specifically my Gen Z people – have lost their communication skills.
Is this video clip of Ron Burgundy more or less like speaking with a member of Gen Z at a bar?
Want proof? Here are some prime examples
For my 20th birthday, my Mom and sister took me to a Billy Joel concert in Madison Square Garden. One of the most memorable parts of that event was an unspoken connection between a random 60-something-year-old man and I.
Let me just say, it's not what you think.
We were all sitting somewhat far away from Billy Joel. But I didn't see anyone else enjoying the show nearly as much as that man and I. He was in the row directly in front of me – and we sang every single song word-for-word together. We seemed to be the only people in that section that knew our Billy Joel down cold.
To this day, I have never sang songs like that with anyone else. I will remember him forever.
This is kind of an exaggeration. But, I genuinely feel like I'm Phil Knight watching LeBron break the scoring title. I'm sitting back and making a real memory instead of a digital one.
My point: If we’re at a concert – why don't we watch the concert? Key word being “watch.”
Here is another perfect example of what I am talking about:
This past 4th of July I went out in my college town with my little sister and our good friend. We were there to enjoy the holiday atmosphere and to make some memories.
Our day started off with mimosas while getting ready. And then we were on our way.
The first party was at one of the frats. The Florida heat was so brutal that everyone was cooped up inside – standing by a singular fan trying to avoid collectively melting. This initial stop on the tour was a bust.
To avoid waiting in a very long, brutally hot line at said frat house, we all then left to use the next-door-neighbors’ bathroom. This is where I met a few guys enjoying the fourth together – on their own terms.
No muss, no fuss, just classic fun. They had set up a slip-and-slide on their front lawn. And there it was: The four of us enjoying the slip-and-slide, drinking their beer and tequila. Not a phone in sight.
Why can’t everything be this straightforward?
It was the best part of the day. They were just hanging out, enjoying their time, right next to a huge party. I was gone for 4 hours and by the time I got home my phone only lost 20% of its battery. Point being: While everyone was so focused on sharing what they were doing I was just doing it.
Sans screen time.
Back to Sex And The CIty … And modern dating life
I can confidently say that dating today looks and feels extremely different when compared to OG Sex and the City. As I’m sure you can tell, I envy my Mom and Carrie's dating experiences back in the day.
People approaching people on the street (I guess this still happens, for better and for worse). People using a pen and paper to write down someone’s number (anyone see the cult-classic, Swingers). No question, there is just something mysterious about waiting around on your answering machine to receive (or deliver) some social news or opportunities.
A young Jon Favreau representing the life and times of an answering machine powered social agenda. No burner phones needed
Without getting too much more into it, I often wish that I could have dated back in those days (i.e, pre-Instagram, smart phones and matchmaking apps). I’m hoping that the fundamentals of building relationships are still somewhat similar … at least after the second or third date (but who really knows for sure).
But the fact that nobody seems to be very present nowadays definitely kills my vibe.
Not to say that men aren’t interested in me – but dating just doesn't seem as fun anymore. And not to say that I've been dating for decades or anything, either. Ultimately, it just crushes a lot of my motivation to try and get out there on the dating scene.
It looked so fun back in the early days of SATC: The face-to-face interactions, the lack of constant texts, DM’s, emails and voice messages. Today there is so much more deception and misrepresentation. It's hard to even take things slow nowadays because everyone has become so impatient as a whole.
The main difference now is social media. Without question, I think it adds a slew of negative wrinkles to dating in the modern world. There is no curiosity. People are quicker than ever to judge – despite the fact that so many people out there are fuzzy representations of who they pretend to be on LinkedIn, or whatever.
Nowadays, we all assume that we know so many things about a person – before they've even had the opportunity to tell us something that’s actually revealing. Is this why relationships are failing quicker? Because we assume that we know so much – that we inevitably wreck things?
Ironically, being the digitally-armed-know-it-all’s that many of us tend to be, trust issues are almost contagious at this point.
This is why I think social media has ruined Gen Z’s relationship skills. Endless hours of swiping will never amount to being asked out – face to face. I don't care who is rolling into my DM’s.
Moreover, people post literally anything now. With the creation of private stories and fake instagram accounts, aka “finstas.”
Literally and figuratively, everyone is screening everything.
My Mom told me stories of what it was like going out with friends and dating back in the 90’s. I envy those experiences.
As she said, “it was a surprise everyday.” She had to call her boyfriend through a payphone and use answering machines. The key was patience.
Nowadays, people freak out if they don't hear back in a few hours (or for some even less). By comparison, my Mom told me that it was totally normal to have to wait a few days to hear back.
I wish I had more of an opportunity to experience this pace of living. Often, I make it a goal to try to go on a walk or run an errand without my phone. Consequently, it always ends up being a far better part of my day.
Recently I saw a TikTok trend of a group of girls who don't bring their phones when they go out to bars and clubs. They bring burner phones in the bar … I personally see this as genius. They bring flip phones and only program the numbers they need for the night.
Now, I don't want to come off as a bitter 21-year-old bashing my generation. I think there are valuable attributes to technology as well. I think there's so much beauty in the way we can capture amazing moments in our lives. I also think technology brings good bonuses when it comes to keeping us safer – such as catching an Uber home.
Back in the day: If you were seen on your phone while inside a bar for too long – you basically looked like you were “fake texting.” Nowadays it's almost strange if you aren't glued to your phone, bars or not.
As I wind-down my collegiate experience … I can't help but wonder: Is my generation boring?
I conclude with the answer: yes. I do believe my generation is boring.
The proof is in the pudding. Our attention spans are comically short. We come up with incessant trends with the shelf life of an avocado just to keep things interesting. And we are so preoccupied with showing what we are doing – and worrying about what other people are thinking – that we are more or less missing the big picture (like all those people huddled in front of a frat house fan on the Fourth of July).
When will my generation realize that we are missing out on our real lives?
We live in a world where what you wear, who you're dating, and who your friends with seems to matter so much more on social media than in real life.
I'm just hoping for a change to make the relationships we have with ourselves and everything else more authentic.
No matter what the era, a gal can still dream, right?
So I am going to keep my dreams going – like my girl, Carrie and her Manolos.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Paige Marquez is an alum of the University of Florida, lives in Hoboken and is a CKTH Ambassador