[REPRESENTING THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA’S JOURNALISM PROGRAM]
Straight outta Gainesville, FL
WITH COLLEGE GRADUATION APPROACHING & NEXT STEPS LOOMING
It's almost that time in my life: Graduation is suddenly staring me in the face.
In just a few months I will be walking down that stage and away from my college experience. A time like this has made me reflect and internally ask myself some questions:
Did I enjoy my college experience? Tough one — but yes.
Was it what I expected? Not so much.
Would I have done it differently? Perhaps.
Is it really great to be a Florida Gator? Obviously.
Is it finally my time to say goodbye to doom scrolling Yik Yak? Let’s hope so.
Shout out to the University of Florida and #gatornation. One of the best places in America to be a college student
Let's take it back to the beginning. Before I went to college I was beyond ecstatic. All I wanted to do was go to a big football school.
And boom. Hello, University of Florida!
From the outset, I was envisioning life-long friends, legendary tailgates, maybe a boyfriend or two in the mix. In short, as it has always described to me, I expected college to be the best four years of my life. And you know what, these last four years weren’t so bad. What more can I say — other than I have a high threshold for excellence.
You see, I have this problem: I tend to screw myself over by setting my expectations so high that nothing can quite measure up. The inevitable result is then me being disappointed. It has gotten to the point where I made not doing this my 2024 New Year’s resolution.
Look, I'm not saying that my college experience was disappointing. But it also wasn't all I envisioned it to be. At least the dudes certainly weren’t. But I digress. While I did make some fantastic friends, I didn't make many friends that I view as being lifelong.
But, maybe I am overthinking that one.
Dudes being bros: We have all been to this movie a few times
Anyways, in all, college has been an amazing time to reflect on myself and those around me. Throughout the four year process, I have learned so much about people – and how they tend to be. I've lost friends and I've made new ones. I learned a lot about my ability to be mature. And in a lot of situations, I have also become better acquainted with my urges to protect the ones I love.
Side note: I have always had some issues when it comes to making friends quickly. Most often, it is a regretful chain of events: I find myself nervous around new people. I overshare. And then I don’t hear from them again. Or, I automatically think that someone has something against me – which then causes me to push potential compadres away before I even know them.
Though I am still a work in progress, I wonder if I could have prepared better. But where’s the training manual really?
I feel that all of us Gen Z’ers grew up in a different kind of era. Back in the day, I used to think that all the advice I was given was irrelevant – mainly because of the differences in technology and how my generation paired everything with a new social world. I remember always saying: “Mom, you just don't understand.”
No question that social media is both beneficial and harmful for relationships today (but we knew this already).
Big facts
Looking back, I think my middle school experience pathetically messed me up till even now. That is when my problems with potential friends started. I was so insecure after years of bullying – I didn’t know how to be social without being made fun of.
Truthfully, it’s almost not even a question of if I was prepared. It’s more of a question of how I was damaged. Sometimes I wonder how some people can make friends so easily. It used to drive me nuts and make me so jealous of big friend groups – that I now realize are just not my thing.
At last (I think), I am at a point in my life where the friends that I have now are the most genuine ones that I’ve had to date. It isn’t a large group, but it's a good one.
I know I am not the only girl who has (or does) feel some insecurity with how many friends they have. Because these days, quantifying one’s popularity is definitely a form of currency.
But why do we always associate good with big? There are many “big things” that are in fact, not good at all: Headaches, credit card bills, haters and shade throwers. That list goes on for days.
Speaking of other things: Parties became a prominent part of my life – even before college. I always saw the party scenes in movies, T.V. shows and even on social media – posted by older siblings of my friends. All in all: I can say that it is not as exciting as it initially looked (at least it wasn’t for me).
The modern dating life struggle is real sometimes
The super fun and festive outings that I was expecting mostly proved to be sporadic at best. In fact, I can only think of 4 nights in college that I really wanted to never end. Some of them may have been detrimental to my physical state the next day, but I would do it again… and again.
With respect to “going out” in college, I didn't really know what to expect – beyond what I had seen on television and social media. Truthfully, I wasn't going out much before college – besides the typical high school party. Once again, perhaps the idea of a college rager is something that I romanticized. Funny enough, I still had a major case of FOMO when I didn't go, so I always did anyway.
Anything can seem amazing with editing and carefully selected portions. Partying is one of them. And yes, I did just use party as a verb. Everyone wants to show the night out, the getting ready process, the food after the club. Nobody shows the hangovers that have you physically shaking in a bathtub.
It makes me wonder, how often is a night out even worth the hassle? The hassle being the lost money, the hangover and any potential new man to suddenly create drama in your life.
Disclaimer: I know not all men are hassles, but let’s be real, most are.
Men were always a tricky topic. Especially for women in their early-20s. I find that dating at this age is of the utmost difficulty. All or at least most men want one thing: A woman to have with no strings attached. And if you're smart, you'll use that to your advantage.
YikYak is a comforting rabbit hole on occasion
I have never been a super big relationship person. Some even think I have more testosterone than most men. I think like a man when it comes to relationships. Therefore, I think most men act like women.
As I am writing this, I am looking at a YikYak post that reads: “I just want a cute boy to fall in love with me, is that too much to ask for?” Honestly, I think yes. In college, many men are too busy with the big three: school, social life or sleeping around.
I think I could have been better prepared for dating. I mean, no hating on my parents but they could have set a better example. Without going too much into that, I notice that my friends with married parents tend to have better relationships with their friends and significant others. Could my parents’ divorce and dating habits rub off on me that much? It’s a thought.
I’m not trying to blame anyone for the lack of a boyfriend in my life either. I just think it’s a valid question. Obviously, I have my own issues when it comes to relationships. I mean, don’t we all? Mainly, I find myself struggling with commitment. Whenever I get to the point where a real relationship is the next step, the stress of only having one man in my life takes over and I back away.
Before going to UF, I was super excited mainly about having a fresh start somewhere different. Although UF wasn't out of state like I would have preferred, it was still a different environment with new scenery and seasons. I was just a girl with a dream to become successful.
I was excited to go out, make all these friends and experience a whole new world. Besides the urge I feel right now, I don't go out much anymore. I would much rather have a quiet night at home with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and a bowl of pasta.
Nowadays, pretty much every time that I go out — I feel older than everyone else around me. I even feel uncomfortable when I see a cute guy because I automatically feel like a cougar just for looking. I’m being dramatic but you know what I’m saying.
They said to be authentic
However, on the flip-side, my FOMO has turned into JOMO: Aka the joy of missing out. In other words, I am also happily missing out on feeling like a cougar — in addition to the unavoidable hangover anxiety that comes with the morning after. Shout out to my old friend, The Sunday Scaries.
…
Fast-forward back into the now:
Being in NYC for the weekend and seeing all the possibilities has made me more sure of at least one post-graduation development. That one – and me being a writer. Whether I like it or not, I am a writer – both physically and in my heart.
So now I question myself by wondering: Am I a good enough writer? What if I hate the industry? Should I pursue the law with my writing skills instead? The closer I get to graduation the harder it is to think about anything else. Fall semester is done, I have three more classes left, one of which I have been pushing off for years. It’s an age-old tale.
Watching SportsCenter with a bud
I think the main anxiety around being in the real world is not having a set plan. Up until now, every decision I made I was guided to by my parents. Elementary school, middle school, high school then college. Now it’s more like trying to get into writing, keep going with LSAT stuff – just in case.
But that’s not much of a plan – I don’t think.
For all the loyal readers in the house, you may remember my first article with CKTH (also my Mom’s favorite): “What is Success To You?” It was a good one.
Nevertheless, I bring this up because I think success is whatever you want it to be. Life is always changing and evolving into what wasn't necessarily the plan. Like Mike Tyson said: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” But I digress.
In summary, at this point in my life I have been asked: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years? And then in 10 years?”
Instead of answering that I am just going to hope that five years from now I'll be proud of myself – and perpetually motivated to get out of bed each day with gusto. I’ll be 27 then, wow. I can only hope that the person I am today will at least admire the 27-year-old Paige-to-be.
Here's to hoping.
All smiles for the most part
I suspect that every year forward will feel a little like this: A constant evolutionary period where we have to be patient with ourselves – and to allow a certain amount of discomfort. Only the strong survive, right?
And to anyone reading this who is going through a transitional period of their lives … Godspeed, don’t freak yourself out and just take things one little success at a time.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Paige Marquez is an alum of the University of Florida, lives in Hoboken and is a CKTH Ambassador